call me crazy, but i would definitely consider owning a Suzuki Wagon R if i lived in Asia. this prime example–which is actually a Suzuki Wagon R RR i spotted in Taipei last year–sports a relatively simple body kit, tuned suspension and Spoon SW88 wheels (or, more likely, SW88 knockoffs) which makes it look pretty awesome, if only in a quirky sort of way.

i love small Japanese city cars like the Wagon R because, while they probably can’t do 0-60mph in under ten seconds or lap the Nürburgring in under ten minutes, they’ll weave through traffic, haul a lot of crap, squeeze into all but the tightest of parking spaces and make you smile.

or possibly cry.

say hello to the Studebaker Avanti, a car that i’m guessing most of you have never seen or heard of before. don’t worry, though, because i hadn’t either until i stumbled out of a Las Vegas sushi restaurant one night and found this gleaming example parked next to my Japanese econobox. seeing the Avanti shocked me in the same way that a flock of nude cyclists would shock an old Alabaman woman who’s in the middle of her very first driving lesson.

i had heard of the Studebaker name before but only in reference to the electric vehicles they were producing in the early 1900s. Studebaker was from a bygone era and therefore no longer relevant so i filed it away with the likes of the biplane and steam locomotive as an engineering stepping stone that has been thankfully left behind. little did i know that Studebaker remained active well into the ’60s, producing such bravely styled marvels as the Hawk, Lark, and the Avanti before dying a slow, agonizing death from financial exsanguination.

the Studebaker Avanti is a bit of a rarity with only 4,643 built during its 18 month production run. this explains why i had never seen one until then and why i’ll probably never see one ever again. it seems, then, that the Avanti is more of an apparition than an actual car, an elusive vestige of the American automotive industry that once was. the Avanti is an endangered species.

oh well. it’s kind of ugly anyway.

behold: the Lada Riva, a car famous for being virtually unchanged for the past 30 years since it was first produced in the Soviet Union. it’s about as basic as it gets: some seats, a steering wheel, lights for when it gets dark and windows for when it isn’t.

i saw this Lada 1500 (as it’s known in Canada) stuttering its way through Toronto a few months ago. it didn’t look or sound too good but hey, at least it was out there and not in a junkyard. i’ve always admired the rugged simplicity of Soviet-era machinery. in many ways, the Riva is like an automotive version of the AK-47, the ubiquitous assault rifle that’s simple, reliable and almost impossible to jam. there’s no power windows to fail, no power locks to jam, no seat warmers to overheat and no satellite navigation to get you lost. this car was not built to invoke passion, pioneer technology or showcase engineering prowess; this car was built to be an appliance.

a glorious Soviet appliance.

aptly named after déesse, the French word for ‘goddess,’ i think the Citroën DS is, without a doubt, one of the most beautiful cars ever made. its subtle, graceful curves make it look decidedly sexier and more aerodynamic than many of its contemporaries while its ground-breaking equipment list included power disc brakes, swiveling headlights, independent suspension, fiberglass roof (for lower center of gravity), power steering and adaptive hydropneumatic suspension that’s both height adjustable and self-leveling. to say that the DS was, in many respects, far ahead of its time is an understatement at best.

anyway, i came across this particular DS about a year ago while walking through Amsterdam with a comically large cone of mayonnaise-smothered frites in hand. now, as i gaze upon this gorgeous DS again half a world away in snowy Chicago, i can recall with surprising clarity the crisp autumn air breezing wistfully through the trees, the gentle bobbing of aged canal boats, a greasy but not entirely unpleasant warmth in my stomach and a sense that, for one wavering moment, all is right in the world.

yeah, those frites were fantastic.

let me first preface this post by saying that i am in love with the Mazda Miata in all its forms. it’s simple, light, small, has a lively engine, looks great and handles well, pretty much everything i look for in a car besides extra cargo space. all things considered, the Mazda Miata/MX-5/Roadster (depending on where you’re from) would be my first pick for a sports car (the bigger, heavier and more expensive Honda S2000 being a close second) if i could ever justify buying one.

that said, i am in love with this Mazda Miata, the one pictured above. i love the old school red-rimmed wheels, the fastback hardtop, the exposed rivets on the flared wheel arches and the rest of the body kit. i love how it’s all drenched in stealthy yet menacing black paint and how it all comes together to form a sleek, low-slung symphony of evil.

and it probably belongs to some rich Chinese guy from Diamond Bar who doesn’t deserve it.

the Volkswagen 1600 Squareback you see above was the last thing i ever photographed with my Nikon D200 (serial #3093098) before it was stolen early last year. as such, the sight of this rather unfortunate looking 1600 fills me with the insurmountable urge to hurl the camera thief into a large cauldron of boiling oil. oh yes, it does.

vengeful thoughts aside, two things strike me about this Volkswagen: 1) it looks like it’s been through a lot and 2) it’s got to be one tough little wagon. it’s probably witnessed a great many crazy things in the last 30 years, certainly enough to trade its paint for dents and patches of rust while outlasting most of its contemporaries. this then is a fighter, a great survivor of many things and will probably continue to plod on for years to come. bravo.

the owner of this monstrosity took my parking space once while i was dropping Beka off at work in the morning. i remember parking my car elsewhere and walking the three blocks home only to see this ketchup-colored mid ’70s Plymouth Duster grinning at me from around the corner, acting all smug because it managed to nick my space during my car’s 8 minute absence.

parking space theft aside, the Duster doesn’t strike me as a particularly brilliant looking car. it’s not as handsome as the Plymouth Barracuda it replaced or as sleek as the Ford Maverick it competed against. instead, it’s sort of clumsy looking with awkward kinks in the body work and a rear overhang that would scare small children. couple it together with those lemon juicer hubcaps and you have a recipe for an oversized car with vaguely unsettling looks.

oh well, at least the owner had the decency not to get a green one.

i can’t say i know much about the Chevy Fleetline. it’s American. built by General Motors. it’s got seats, two doors and a steering wheel. this one is red.

okay, i confess. the only reason why i posted this (apart from it being vintage, rare and somewhat interesting) is because it reminds me of Biff’s car in the Back to the Future movies.

he’d rip through us like we were tin foil.

it may not have the refinement of the M3 or the stunning looks of the new Z4 but who could say no to this BMW Z4 M coupe? i know i couldn’t.

but i can’t afford one, either.

okay. this has got to be the ugliest car available in North America since the Pontiac Aztek seared our corneas. if cars are capable of being sick then the Nissan Cube’s got leprosy, lupus and elephant man syndrome but let’s get beyond the looks, shall we?

i can’t. i can’t get over how terrible this car looks. its awful from every angle in every aspect from its horrifyingly asymmetrical windows to its queasy raccoon eyes. the only thing i like about the body is GAH! LYING IS A SIN!