apparently i missed the page in the driver’s handbook that explains that everyone MUST STAB THE BRAKES AND STARE AT ACCIDENTS ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

good gravy, does Fifth Gear have some idiotic presenters; especially that lanky halfwit Jonny Smith with his asinine remarks and wild clown hair. i can not stand that guy. wow. the show would probably be halfway decent if it weren’t for him.

owning a car that meets or exceeds a certain power to weight ratio should require a higher class of drivers’ license to operate, don’t you think?

it would certainly limit the number of accidents caused by idiots but, sadly, not idiots.

Danica Patrick drove her new Indy car down Michigan Avenue today and i missed it.

sigh.

i propose that, from now on, new drivers learn on cars that have their horns hooked up to the brakes. why? because there is WAY too much unnecessary braking going on.

are you people aware that your car will slow down if you just take your foot off the gas?!

the first time i got pulled over was for obeying the law.

it was a dark night, as most nights are, and i was on my way home from a friend’s place. having driven the same route many times before, i went straight in a ‘straight or left turn’ lane and a pig on the other side of the intersection U-turned to follow me and lit up.

to be truthful, i panicked a bit when i saw red and blue in my rearview mirror. my mind raced as i fought to remember every mundane traffic law i could to figure out which one i broke. did i drive over a firehose without proper consent? was one of my taillights out? did i change lanes within 5,000 feet of an intersection? a spotlight shined into my mirrors and a silhouette strolled up as my window rolled down.

Pig: do you know why i pulled you over?

ivan: no, not really

Pig: you went straight in a ‘left turn only’ lane

ivan: i’m pretty sure it was a ‘straight or left turn’ lane

Pig: are you sure, son?

ivan: yeah

Pig: i’ll be right back


15 minutes and two donuts later

Pig: alright. i’m going to let you off with a warning. drive safely.

all in all, a complete waste of my time.